2006 Year in Review

 

I could look back and ruminate on the progess (little) and the events (few) of 2006 but I think the better way is to let the numbers speak for themselves. $5K +              amount spent on Clothes, make up, shoes, accessories and other miscellaneous accoutrements.  And I still don’t have a thing to wear.  This number is must go down next year.  Need to quit subscribing to fashion magazines and stay out of the mall (although I do consider the sales team at Nordstroms to be my friends).  I guess I’m going to have to find some new frineds.  10                    the number of new Shoes bought this year.  This is what helped the previous number.  One was a new pair of soccer shoes so that shouldn’t count against me.   4                      the number of Shows/Concerts attended this year Rob Thomas, James Blunt, Audra MacDonald (Andrea made me go), Antigone Rising.  There really wasn’t much to go to that I liked. I’ve already bought tickets to Josh Groban in April.  104                  the number of Soccer games played this year  Maybe I’ll keep my scoring stats for next year.  1                      number of times I had my HeartBroken this year                         Ok maybe he didn’t break my heart (I’d have to have one) but he did hurt my feelings, and I’ve over it now (the dirty bastard).  80                    the number of Yoga classes attended this year I need to be more consistent in my practice next year.  Target 3 times a week!  $1600              the amount of money spent on Hair/Pedis/Facials this year                           Now this number is perplexing.  I spent all that and I still look like this.  Not sure if  its great investment.  But on the other hand would it look worse if it wasn’t spent.  If that’s the case would it look better if I spent more? hmmmm 3                      number of times I’ve been Naked  with someone this  year  Ok once of these was my gynecologist but it counts.  I did make her spoon with me for a while after so I could pretend I meant something to her.  I’m scheduled to have a mammogram (sign of old age) but I’m saving that for January so I can get felt up at least one time next year.  14                    the number of Mavs games  attended this year      This includes 3 playoff games from last season!  Got to see at least one game in each series.  This number is definitely going up.  5                      number of times Trips  taken this year  London, Austrialia/Tahiti, Vegas, Bath (UK), Cabo, Washington, D.C.  I’d really like this number to go up next year.  Have booked tripped to <st1:place w:st=”on”>Greece for April.  16                    the number of trips to Dentist/Orthodontist this year  Damn braces.  The office staff, nurses and hygenists are my other set of friends.  $300                the amount of money spent on Books this year  At about $8 per book that about 30 books read last year.  There must have been some good ones but can’t recall any right now.  Will keep a list for next year.  100K               number made by my ODOMETER this year                        I highly recommend Toyotas.  My car has made it to this number and it gets a oil change once a year whether it needs it or not.  The guy at the garage said something about tires and maybe breaks but I wasn’t really listening.  Its gone this long without anything new….  Will get new car this time next year.

Dear Dirk – Mavs vs. Suns

 

First let me wish you a belated Merry Christmas.  Things have been so busy with the holidays I have been unable to keep up my correspondence.   Last nights game with the Suns was soooo good.  It kept me bouncing off the couch, coaching, yelling, cheering and dancing.  It would have been more fun it had I not been doing it all by myself but my antics were less embarrassing that way.  Sadly it was not in my half season package but the upside is parking and the drinks were much cheaper.  I want to give special kudos to the Jet who I believe is the heart and the spirit of this team.  He always seems to be the first to give encouragement to teammates and encourage and appreciate the fans role in a game.  The fact that he had a 30+ point night was great but I don’t think that’s even his best attribute.  Where is Jerry by the way?  And what was that little hand signal you gave after the game?  I’m sure it was for me I’m just not sure what it means.  I was able to watch you in all your glory on my new 50″ plasma tv (Merry Christmas to me ).  I was not going to get the high def receiver but what’s the point of having a high def tv if you don’t use it right?  So I’ll be making that investment this weekend.    It also required the investment of a little blood sweat and tears because I couldn’t get a new tv without new furniture (it wouldn’t match) so I’m black and blue moving 6 chairs/couches, 2 armoires, 4 tables and 4 tvs.  My family is not speaking to me after the furniture move fiasco but its small price to pay for Dirk in high def!

Dear Dirk – Christmas Tiding

Twas the night before Christmas and no Mavs game tonight, Not a basketball was bouncing, not even an NBA fight. The letters this year all safe on my blog, I settle in for a drink some rum and eggnog The fireplace is lit, flames orange, blue and red While visions of Dirk Nowitzki danced through my head, Dressed in my replica jersey all satin and pink Hoping my son won’t come in, what in the world would he think Drink in my hand, warm fire at my feet, I think I must be dreaming, could I get such a treat ,Rubbin my eyes, I rub them again, Next time I skip the rum and stick to the gin, Because I’m out on a court with tall men in blue, This is certainly a fans dream about to come true, There’s Devan and Damp and my favorite Stackhouse, Now here’s Jet and Diop it’s the whole Mavs clubhouse. The General’s arrived with good tiding and cheer, The concessions are open, there’s even free beer. The coach with the hair so gleaming white, Has even showed up in this fantasy tonight. Coaches and players they all seemed to be here, But the one I love most has yet to appear The arena grew quite and the lights started to dim, My heart beating faster it had to be him He looked like a hero, from across ancient seas, Not Zeus or Thor but my own Dirk-uleas His eyes how they twinkle, His goatee just right, His accent like Arnold, His height out of sight He starts to approach with me with a  wink in his eye, Knees start to buckle, I think I might cry He said to me quietly… For a fan that’s so true, I will grant just one wish and only for you Oh the thoughts that I had, yes a few rated X, But you can’t have Christmas poem all about sex. I asked him to bend lower and lower again, So I could whisper my Christmas wish to him, So with a kiss on my cheek and a pat on my rear,          He promised the Mavs are in the Finals this Year!  Fröhliches Weihnachten zu allen und Gutes Neues Jahr!!!!

Self Help

I was in one of my favorite places the other day browsing the bookshelves and find myself in the self help section.  Now there are plenty of reasons for me to be there but this time I find myself standing in front of the relationship and dating section which is weird since I don’t have any.  I get the average number of dates per year (1-2) for women in my age group and I get them the normal way.  I drug their drinks, slip them in my trunk and then tie them to my bed posts.  However this strategy hasn’t really resulted in anything long term.  I’m not sure it counts as long term if I’ve kept them there for days.  It also is not conducive to a second date.  They are much harder to trick the second time. Well there seem to be 1000s of titles.  Some really too stupid to believe that someone will buy them.  They all seem to be focus on what a man wants… cater to their every fantasy, dress a stripper, put a pole in the bedroom, don’t nag, let them hang out with the boys, blah blah.  I’m not kidding this is what some of those said.   Interestingly, there were very few books about what a woman wants.  Maybe this was because I was in the dating and not the relationship section.  I’ll take a moment and remedy this oversight.  What a woman wants:  Olympic swimmer twins (or sport of their choice), money, a man who loves an older women (that is not size 0 and has braces), a housekeeper, endowed (not talking about college scholarship)…  This list could go on and could be a topic of its own. I notice a book called How to get Anyone to Fall in love with you.  It sounds like a strategy I might need (aka the Dirk obsession).  It’s a thick book and there’s something to be said for girth afterall.  It says its based on scientific evidence.  How can you argue with science?  What could it hurt,  I bought the book. I am very skeptical but I’ll give it a try regardless of the embarrassment and heartache it may cause me but it should be quite amusing to you.  I hadn’t even got past the first chapter and they’ve already qualified themselves.  The title says ‘anyone’ and the first chapter says ‘practically anyone’.  If they’d have put that in the title I might have picked another book but I bought it so I’ll try to commit. First couple chapters not a whole lot of insight or epiphanies but throws out lots of scientific terms and names I’ve never heard of so it makes it more legitimate.  It talks about strategy:  first impressions, stroking ego, think like your prey and something called brain fellatio.  Head-Head?  I’ve barely figure out dick-head.  I’m can handle most of the ideas in these first chapters but I am a bet worried about the brain fellatio. Next couple chapters not much more exciting than the first.  They talk about love is a drug.  Then I’m going to become the pusher.  I’m pushing the love drug of me!  Though I’m starting to get worried again.  I’m feeling fat (haven’t got to go to gym because I had company) and I’ve got a pimple on my chin.  I hope the book addresses these.  I hope its not how to get anyone to fall in love with you if you young, skinny, and pretty.  Finally I’m into a couple of chapters with some practical advice.  First item:  dress to kill everywhere.  You can’t make second first impression.  (Do they all just still cliches from each other).  I can do this but I’ll start tomorrow (said everyday since then).  Second item:  Eye contact.  Stare at the other persons optic nerve.  Big pupils are a turn on.  Oh great how the hell am I going to create big pupils.  I thought big boobs was all I needed.  I’m getting more and more disillusioned with this book.  Third item:  Smile.  Why didn’t they tell me this before I got the braces.  Ok that’s enough.  I give up. Can’t do it.  I’m going out to buy the titanium vibrator, my purple jacket, red hat, and 30 cats today!