To Date or Not to Date

I confess I don’t understand the opposite sex.  When I die, I don’t want pearly gates and golden streets, an explanation of why humankind commits genocide, or knowledge of life on other planets.  I just want to understand what goes through a man’s mind.  Really you boys are the more illogical sex.

Last year I sort of took a dating hiatus.  So one of this year’s resolutions was simply to date more.  We’re about a ¼  of the way through the year through and I want to go back on hiatus.    This is quick summary of my experience so far:  1) He’s not into me 2) I’m not into him, 3) actually like this one but his kid logistics are going to be complicated so not sure exactly what’s going to happen 4) stretched the truth about his height, # of kids and god knows what else. 

Using a baseball analogy, after 3 dates I’ve got 2 strikes and one ball (that’s figurative not literal).  Clearly #4 makes it strike 3, I’m out!    Now the question I have to decide is this the 1^st inning? or the 9^th?    Should I take a 7^th inning stretch?   I read somewhere that Babe Ruth had was more strike outs then he ever had home runs.   Am I batting like Babe?  Do I need to retire?

As I’m debating this with myself, I agree to go to coffee with #5 because I swear to myself if I have one more bad date I’m selling everything I own and cloistering myself in the nunnery.  We have great plan.  Just coffee and then see where it goes.  Well coffee goes great, so we progress it to dinner (his call).  Dinner goes great so we decide to have after dinner drinks (his call).  Those go great (at least I think so). The evening ends at 2am (no monkey business) and I’m thinking this is going pretty well for not a date.  I’m pretty intelligent and perceptive I’m not miss reading anything, he’s digging me.  I think I have reasonable expectation that we’ll have an ‘official’ date.   Instead I get something about being too alike and being combustible.  How the hell did he figure all that out after one date?   Apparently he was on a different un-date than I was.  When did men start having relationship discussions after the first date.  You guys are starting to sound like women!

 I’m becoming a one date wonder.   I’m one date away from entering the nunnery since technically the last one was not a real date.   I know the only common theme here is me so it must be something I doing,  but for the life of me I’m at a loss to what exactly it is.  My fortune cookie today said ‘isolating yourslef from others will not prevent you from being hurt’ (no kidding).  It may not but it keeps you from being confused!

Dear Dirk – Mavs vs. Celtics

 

This is going to be a quick one as I’m still recovering from vacation.  Did make it to the game with my mini-me on Friday night.  I was devastated to hear about the last two losses, especially Phoenix.  It was my bad luck I decided to go on vacation on the night I had tickets to the Phoenix game which of course turns out to be the best game all year.  I nearly canceled spring break.  I think my absence has a negative impact on the team.  You guys lost two while I was gone.  I’ve got another two trips planned next month do I need to consider canceling.  I know that we’re going to end up in the playoff while I’m in Greece and I’m going to miss it.  I’m praying its only a few games in round 1 I’ll miss.  If we lose I will feel personally responsible.  I’m definitely going to have to plan my trips better next season. I do want to point out to you how amazing you are.  Josh Howard (my #4 favorite player – yes I have everyone ranked) matched a career high 30 points.  You hand only 6 points at the end of the 3rdquarter but by the end of the 4th you had 30 points yourself.  Its done so effortlessly that sometimes one forgets what a great accomplishment that is. I’m thinking you guys are running out of steam.  I’m not sure the coaching strategy Avery is utlizliting right now.  We nearly lost to Boston and the rookies were getting some decent play time.  Was he playing to give you guys a rest or to punish?  I’d love to arrange a one of one with Avery and understand his thinking.  I’ll arrange a one on one with you to see if there’s any thing we can think of to re-energize you!

Spring Break 2006 / I need a vacation

I’m going to sound like my mother but I remember when spring break was a week off school and hopefully some sunny weather so we could run through the sprinkler.  Now, its jetting to Hawaii to stay in beachside 4-star hotel.  Well at least is for my son.   I am a glutton for punishment.  I decide to go on vacation with my son, my nephew (both of which are just now starting puberty)  and my son’s father (who’s still going through puberty)  for a little spring break vacation.  The day we leave, my son stubs his toe and starts walking with a limp.  We arrive at our hotel in LAX about midnight (I didn’t pay attention to the fact I bought connecting fly – shame on me).   I tell Chad to let me see his foot so I can see how much he is faking this sore toe thing.  When he get his shoe off the entire left side of his left foot is purple.  I’m pretty convinced that he’s broken his pinky toe.  Being the nurturing mom that I am, I tell him to suck it up we’re not letting a little broken toe mess with this trip. Have you ever traveled with two pubescent boys with endless amounts of energy?  I’m wiped.  If it wasn’t  the bathroom jokes, the fart noises, the poking and giggling at every girl (regardless of age, race, creed or color), it would be the arguing, the relentless hunger or bad attitude because they could not swim in the ocean at midnight.  The best one was during the van ride to the bay when they were doing your mama jokes and Coconut (my nephew) says, “your mama is so nasty she douches with salt water to get rid of her crabs”.  I don’t think he has a clue what douching is but the 8 other adults in the van did.  We got some nice dirty looks out of that one. The sleeping arrangement was that I shared a bed with my nephew.  He’s only 4′8″ but takes up as much room as any 6′ man I’ve ever slept with.  At least he didn’t snore which was good because Chad’s dad did and it more than made up for whatever lack of noise Coconut made.  Didn’t get a decent nice sleep the entire trip. Believe it or not I still actually managed to have great time, even exhausted.  Can’t wait till my next vacation, the one where I leave the kids at home! I’ll put up a couple pictures of the boys.  I look completely horrible in every picture I was in.  My hair does not like the beach.  I’ve got a nice healthy head of thick hair that in humidity makes me look like the lead singer of white snake.  I’ve got to come up with a plan or shave my head before I got to Greece.

I saw Dirk naked! I’m the best mom in the whole world!

 

Ok I sort of saw Dirk naked.  It’s a six degrees of separation thing.  Let me explain.  I find out DeSagana Diop is signing autographs on Friday at the local mall.  Diop is Chad’s favorite Mavs player.  I’m going to get big mommy brownie points for this one.  Friday after lunch, I go get my hair did.  After two and half hours getting colored, cut, blow dried and listening to the stylist talk incessantly about her psycho ex-boyfriend and her recently endowed bosoms, I’m off to pick up the Chad for the signing.   I race to the house pick up Chad’s Mavs paraphernalia and on to mom’s to pick up the gang (Chad, mom, 2 nieces – Jess and Ryann).  We get to the mall about an hour before the signing begins so I put the kids in line and do a little shopping.   Into the holy grail of designer hand bags I wander and there it is…. (think spotlight and heavenly music)…  a pink leather Coach carry on bag.  Since I recently got a small (really small) bonus from work I decide there’s not a better way to put that money to work (that small amount would not have significant impact on any credit card anyway).  I walk out the proud new owner of the best bag in the world.  Its so beautiful and smells new.  I’m going to look so cute walking through Munich airport with my new bag.  I’m so in love with it.  Ummm sorry this is supposed to be an explanation of how I saw Dirk naked.  Back to the story. I take my new bag and my new hair back to the line for autographs.  At this point they come through the line telling us that only one item per person to be signed.  Well it’s a good thing we’ve brought the entire clan.  My sister has also showed up by this time so we divvy out the goodies to make sure Chad gets everything signed.  Finally the appointed hour arrives and in walks  7′0″ Mavs center #7, DeSagana Diop.  They inform us that he’s will only sign for hour.  We’re in pretty good shape so we plan to our strategy.  Me first so I can take pictures, then Shelly, then Chad, then Jess and the cutest 5 year old bringing up the rear.  Do a hair check, a lipstick check, camera check.  We are ready to go. Finally we make it to the table and I get him to sign the poster.  I’m waiting for my sister to get hers and I ask, “Hey Sagana, do you hear me coaching you from way up in the rafters?”  He actually looks up and smiles at me.  He’s got such a cute boyish face to go with the incredibly tall body.  He says back (laughing) “You do?  What do you say?” (said with African accent).   I panic a little because I don’t have a clever retort planned.  I didn’t think he was going to answer.  I say something lame about don’t be afraid to take out those other players.  By the time its Chad’s turn I’m feeling more confident.  So I tell him.  “There’s Dirks future step son.  Well he will be as soon as we can convince Dirk to start digging petite older women.”  I actually get a genuine laugh from Sagana and a few of the nearby crowd and hangers-on.  I think he was digging me! We all make it through the line and I’m so excited my heart is beating like teenage girl.  Chad is completely stoked, we got tons of stuff signed and then it hits me.  I bet Sagana has seen Dirk naked in the locker room.  So if he’s seen Dirk naked, and I’ve seen him (ok not naked but I have good imagination – and that wasn’t a 5 legged chair), then its like I’ve seen Dirk naked!  After a great celebratory dinner we wrap up a gloriously fun Friday night.  And very unusual for me, Saturday was just as great.  I even saw Segana get into a tussle with the Magic’s Dwight Howard.  I think my coaching actually paid off.