What a weekend

Thank God for Monday! I was so ready to come back to work. I need some rest. I’m too old for this back to back partying. The weekend was bookend by two Mavs games.

Friday I managed to get my hands on tickets to the game and took Say My Name – Patty Patty. She gets so annoyed when I do that but its reference to the great Patty LaBelle! She’s young punk so she just doesn’t get the greatness that is the diva!

Patty and I haven’t hung out on our own before. It was a surprisingly fantastic time. I laughed my ass off all night. It was one episode after another. Since I wasn’t in my normal seats I got a little turned around. I had a train of women following me into the rest room. But when I looked in all I saw was blue jeans and boots, so I freaked out and tried to turn around to get out of the men’s bathroom. It looked like a cartoon as I caused the train to collapse and started a mass exodus from the men’s bathroom. Only it wasn’t the men’s bathroom! Then we all had to turn around and go back in. It was so hysterical I nearly peed myself right there. “You’re so stupid!” Patty tells me but she was laughing!

I try to be someone she can look up to. On occasion, I take on the role of her conscious. I’m her very own Jiminy Cricket. But she thinks she’s a bad ass so she tried to dare me to do something. I’ll give you a $100 she says. Ha! I don’t need money. I tell her I’ll do it if she does something for me (that is actually good for her!). She doesn’t believe it but I do it, its tough being a good conscious. When’s the last time Jiminy Cricket had to drink margarita out of some strange woman’s yard glass! I hope Patty and Pinocchio appreciate the sacrifices we make for our friends.

We went to after party as Dawn’s house. Ok it wasn’t really an after party but with the case of beer and bottle of wine we brought it became an after party. Thanks Dawn for letting us crash you house it was a blast. Though your one friend is little weird. I felt like a sheep that kept being herded out of the pack by the wolf. The evening wrapped up with breakfast at Denny’s and the usual parking lot fight (not us!).

Saturday started on low point as I was going to start my fast but got steam burn all over my hand and then I succumb to peer pressure and went out with the girls on Saturday. Saturday was sort of a repeat of Friday few drinks out then we came back to the house and wrapped it up there. Mo, you’ll get do over as soon as I come off my fast!

Sunday closed with only 4 hours sleep, 3 soccer games and a Mavs game. I actually played ok but couldn’t actually make anything get into the net. Frustrating! Andrea and I had dinner, a few martinis and met some really cool people.

The game was the lowest part of my weekend. I’m so bummed out about my boys that I can’t make myself do another Dear Dirk. It almost like they are two different teams. I’m not going to watch anymore this season (i.e. next game) it causes me to much stress.

I’ve decided to do a 10 day fast. I’m going to get healthier and detox. I’m drinking lost of water, lemon juice, maple syrup, cayenne pepper and laxative tea. Yummm! It’s called Master Cleanse but I think they should call it the Poo Poo Plan. I’ve made it through day 1 but I had to quit watching tv as I was practically drooling on every damn commercial.

Dear Dirk – Mavs vs. Jazz

My darling Dirk,

I have been remiss in the consistency of my love letters to you but to be fair the team has been remiss in the consistency of their wins to me. No, I’m not a fair-weather fan but I had high expectations from last season and its been difficult to adjust. I’m still skeptical the trade was the right thing to do but I’m trying to be optimistic.

I was a little worried about going to the game on Thur. I took a younger man to the game. I did warn him that if you turned around and looked up for me that he was to duck behind the seats. I didn’t want you to get jealous and I didn’t have a chance to warn you I was bringing another man before the game. He was actually a good sport and agreed.

I really enjoyed this game. I liked going to the game with someone who was as passionate about it as I was. Though this thing the Mavs have about taking every game down to the last minute and a half is going to put me on some kind of anxiety medicine. Being a Mavs fan has aged me over the last couple a years.

And to top of a really great night, you save the game with the 3-point jumper! And watching you show some emotion, pulling on that jersey. So sexy! I had to sit down for a minute and compose myself before I was able to leave.

This turned out to be dry run for our dating life. Like you he is a younger man, actually much younger. He’s a couple years younger than you which unfortunately puts him outside the ‘window’. But he is so cute! I have the rule that as long as I can’t give birth to them, they are fair game. I may be modifying this rule that as long as I can’t give birth to them and they are at least 30. Though that rule modification won’t help me here or I’m going to wait for another 4 years.

Its hard to be out with a guy so much younger. We are standing in line for a beer and he places our order the girl behind the counter looks at me then looks at him and pointedly asks him for id. She didn’t ask us. She asked him. That was so rude! She could have asked me just to be nice. My only consolation is she will be 40 some day.

My fun ‘date’ and I stop in one of the little bars around the arena to let the traffic die down. I’m having an excellent night. How could I not, the Mavs win because of you, I’ve got a drink I didn’t pay for, and I’m hanging out with an adorable younger man. That’s when I notice the female bartenders eyeing my boy. I may have to get used to this when we start going out but its going to take some effort on my part.

They are making sure HE has a drink. I’m thinking… back off bitches! When you’re old, have money and have season tickets you can take him to the game but until then I you keep your poor, tight skinny ass behind the bar! What I really said was… cute aren’t they? To his credit, he was awesome to me.

The evening ended around midnight. Me – home to take a cold shower and to try and get the dirty thoughts out of my head about a boy who could be my son. Him – probably off the next party where the hot young bartenders were.

I’ve got to find out where the guys my age hangout, the club and the assisted living retirement center aren’t producing great results. Of course if they are my age they are home with their wives and kids!

Until the playoffs!

Spice Girl Update

The Spice Girl roster keeps shifting just enough that I am constantly in catch up mode trying to get to know the players, but I made some progress this week.  And I promised to make updates as I did so here’s my update   Mel B – Thyme I don’t think Mel’s last name starts with a B but I’m keeping up the whole spice girl theme.  I got to spend some QT with Mel this week, luckily for me the rest of my team were a bunch of deadbeats and couldn’t stay out  past 8 pm.  It just meant that Mel and I got a little one on one time and I’m lucky I did.  The quality of the women on this team just amaze me.  Mel is usually very quiet and laid back but she opened up the other night.  We are just the same! professional women who love sports!  She’s a Mavs fan!  I have a new friend to go to games with!   The thing I found most surprising (mostly because she’s so quiet) is how wickedly funny she is!  And to top it off, she laughed at all my jokes.  She may have been laughing with at me but I don’t really care, she laughed is all that mattered. She also (inadvertently) played wing man!  Thanks Mel!  I look forward to getting to know her even better! The team in general is doing well.  We are 1-1 this season.  We’ve added a few players and it always takes a couple of games to get the rhythm right.  I still haven’t started the socc-u-mentary but I will get it on it!

This is embarrassing

Chad and I were driving home from school the other day and fighting over the radio as we normally do.  We have sort of have a set a rules we fight by.  We’ve got 12 preset buttons (including one country station and NPR, definitely not his favorites) and they have to be checked in order.  If there’s a commercial, you have to move on.  If we both hate the song we move on (i.e. Sara Bareilles or Colby Caillat).  If we both like the song (i.e. Flo-rida, Mary J), it stays.  If one of us like the song it stays unless we’ve already heard it in the last 30 minutes.  There’s other complexities but that pretty much sums it up.  

On the way home a song comes on and Chad automatically reaches to change the station.  Slightly embarrassed, I tell him stop I like that song.  “Mmmoooommmm!  That’s retarded!”  Well I don’t care I like it. 

Ok, this is the embarrassing part.  It’s ‘See you again’ by Miley Cyrus.  There something about the chorus that I just relate to.  Now, being a mature woman I should have grown out of this but I haven’t.  Here’s the chorus…

 The last time I freaked out
I just kept looking down
I st-st-stuttered when you asked me what I’m thinking about
Felt like I couldn’t breath
You asked what’s wrong with me
My best friend Daisy said “Oh she’s just being Tonya”
The next time we hang out
I will redeem myself
My heart it can’t rest till then
Woh woh I
I can’t wait to see you again 

Some of you may find this hard to believe but I am REALLY shy and have always been.  But the people who really know me have seen it and they are totally shocked the first time they see it in action.   I just won’t speak or approach someone I’m attracted or interested in.  

In my twenties and early 30’s it was horrible.   I have so many examples of where I just freaked out and ruined a potentially great experience… the Australian boys in Bath,  meeting the Bass player of Seven Nations,  meeting James Blunt, the hot cruise director, running into the Troy Aikman in dark hallway at Cowboys, meeting the cute guy in the financial aid office at the university.  As the moment passes and I can think clearly again I want a do-over.  I should’ve said, I should’ve a done, I have any number of regrets. 

My advice to teenage girls and young women reading this is GET OVER this as soon as you can.  (Of course, I don’t have huge teenage following but maybe my niece will at least read)  Every time I have managed to overcome I have had a great experience and even if it wasn’t so great I was so proud of myself for conquering my fears.   Sort of in my defense, I don’t actually want to meet everyone who I find attractive.  I like having a crush.  I like the fantasy.  As long as you don’t meet them, they will be anything you want them to be.  They can be mysterious, strong, funny, aggressive tender, tough, sensitive and each at the exactly the right time.  There’s any number of occasions when you find someone attractive until they start speaking and any attractiveness suddenly disappears.  Luckily, the reverse is also true! 

As I’ve aged I’ve realized that I don’t want to miss experiences so I’m getting better at conquering my shyness.  I’ve also found that wine also helps.  However, that requires a delicate balance.  I had to down a bottle of wine in the 10 minutes before when I met James Blunt because I couldn’t even look at him.  The best question I could think of to ask him was,  Who’s Jimmy?  Chad told me that was dumb.  “Well what would you have asked?”  “What is all that stuff in his pockets in the Beautiful video? “  Hmmm, why didn’t I think of that.