Hello my younger self!
I’m amazed and awed when I look at you and not simply by your completely fantastic fashion sense (I know there’s a comb in the tube sock) or your incredibly tiny body. Its been such a long time since I’ve paid you any attention. I’ve almost forgotten who you are. I remember this day. We had gone out to Old Nevada for a day trip. It was just the kids and the moms. Janice and I were rocking the latest fashions. It was a great day.
I look at you and see such innocence and hopefulness. If only you knew how beautiful you are there. Life is still a clean slate. I know you’re shy but there’s also a spunkiness there that hasn’t ever been completely dampened. I also know that there is strength in you. You’re only 13 and you’ve been through more than most people know. Even then you take on a responsibility that most kids your age don’t have to shoulder.
Looking back I’m also of scared for you. I know what is to come. And it saddens me that you will have to go through it. You still have to experience the full effect of alcoholic parents, watching your brother – the thorn in your side and your most ardent protector – sink into an abysss of drug addition that exists to this day, the loneliness and sadness of never feeling like you fit in, never feeling like you have any roots, accepting that you have to be the responsible one, dad’s death, heartbreak from lovers, a rape, betrayal of friends, career setbacks.
I wish I could go back and try change it or prevent some of it. At the very least let you know that you don’t have to be so scared. It will all be ok, because it is.
Its weird but I’m also sort of jealous. I know the trials and tribulations to come but I also know of the joys and accomplishments that still await. Your first kiss, your first time, your best time, your first love (ok so that waited until you were 40), the college years, flying first class (the first time) to London at 21, career promotions and success, your first apartment, your first home, learning that you can dance, dancing on speakers, going to concerts, your first new car, traveling the world with the greatest of friends.
You’ve also been very lucky in having the right people come through your life.
Grandma Wogomon, Deb, Janice, Brenda, Jean, Von, Hanh, Dee, Daisy, Dwayne, Jennifer, Sharky, Michelle, Angela, Terrence, Rosemary, Annie, Dorothea, Alex, Adolfo, Clarice, Eric, Jenene, James, Diane, Andrea, Andrea, Randy, Dawn, Patty, Joann, Robert
So many people have had such a profound impact. You’re so blessed in this area that one of your problems in the future is that you actually have established so many great friends and you feel stretched a little thin. Fortunately, most of them are patient with you.
If you were to meet me now, what would you think of me? Do I make you proud? Would you want to know me now? I hope the answers are yes. You would ask will we have any regrets. I would tell you a few. Mostly for things we haven’t done. We should have been more adventurous and taken more risks. We should have been open to our creative side but its not over. We have time yet.
“Did we ever get married and have kids?” Yes and No I would answer. Its funny we sort of always expected it would happen but it was nothing we ever really dreamed or planned. You never had dreams of a big white wedding or a brood of children. Figured it would just sort of work its way out. We have a son. And he’s a great one. For some reason, we never seemed to settle down with a relationship. Its probably too complicated to even understand but I think we’re in the right place now.
I’m still fundamentally the shy girl with a spark waiting to flame. I don’t think I’ve lost our idealism even if I’ve learned to moderate it with some practicality. I’ve discovered quite a lot about us. We’re smarter than we thought. We’re actually quite good at a few things, we even have a few secret talents. We can be quite funny and amusing (at least to our self). Its taken a while but I think we’re finally becoming the person we were meant to be. 
