SmartTrip 1 – Over the hillls and through the woods to Grandmothers house we go!

SmartLog is interpreted as follows:  (hey I’m a nerd, shut it!)

SmartLog:  yyyymmdd/tttt/mmmm/xx/st

Where: 

yyyymmdd:      Date (year/month/day)

tttt:                  Time (military)

mmmm:          Odometer miles

xx:                   Outside temperature (Farenheit)

st:                    State we are in at this time

SmartLog:  20090702/1100/2194/95°/TX

Every journey begins with….

•  2 diet pills
• 1 boiled egg
• glass of diet Hawaiian punch
• Google Maps
• a full tank of gas
• my will and last testament, fully articulated and posted on Facebook and witnessed by my 187 friends

Everything is packed and I’m ready to go.  Smart-T is cleaned and smiling with a full tank gas.  I’m heading to Bandle’s (Chad’s dad) to pick up Chad.   I had a small miscalculation on the mileage and timing.  I originally thought the trip was 10 hours but Google Maps is reporting that it is more like 17.  I’m sure they are calculating time based on posted speed limits of which Smart-T and I have no intention of following.  

 I pick Chad up and he’s packed and ready to go.  It’s plain that Bandle is not quite as excited about this road trip and we are.

Me:    Bandle, what’s the matter?

Bandle:  “You are taking my only son half way across the country in a golf cart!  Doesn’t make me feel very reassured” 

Me:   “Where’s your sense of adventure?  C’mon Chad let’s roll”

Chad acts like he’s not looking forward to this and starts complaining about how long his legs are.  I ask him if he wants to stay home with dad and he immediately says NO! The complaints magically evaporate.

Shoot almost ran into a truck leaving the neighborhood but don’t worry everything’s fine and don’t tell Bandle.

SmartLog:  20090702/1400/2389/98°/AK

We’ve made it to Arkansas!  The scenery between here and Dallas is boring but things are good because we are still getting Dallas radio stations.  Chad’s let me use his pillow so I’m sitting up high and can actually see behind me. 

As we move deeper into Arkansas, we try to listen to the radio but can’t find much on besides country music which prompts Chad to say “I hate Arkansas” and put on his headphones.

SmartLog:  20090702/1500/2468/98°/AK

Fuel Stop:  1    Friend, AK, 8 gallons, $23.23

What an auspicious place to stop for gas.  I’d like to calculate the MPG but I forgot to set the trip odometer and I’m still not sure if Smart-T holds 8 or 9 gallons.    So far she’s done terrific.  She likes being out on the open road.  We’ve just gotten the usual looks so far. 

SmartLog:  2009070/2175/2668/92°/TN

We’ve made it to Memphis!  Smart-T is still handling well.  She only caught air once but we were behind some truck with hollow tubes and it was creating a wind tunnel.  I’m sitting up high, legs propped up, admiring my 4^th of july ready toes.  I do miss having cruise control.  Will be buying that accessory before the next road trip.  Smart-T is become something of celebrity.  We are constantly waving at our fellow road warriors.  We passed a line of 18-wheelers and I could tell the one in the back is CB-ing to the guy up front.  When we get to him he’s already turned around smiling at us.  People will pass us only to have the opportunity to take a picture.

SmartLog:  2009070218342709 (odometer) 89° TN

Fuel Stop:  2    Blytheville, TN, 5 gallons, $15.20

Time to take a dinner break.  Found some kind of weird chicken place.  Left a lot to be desired.  Good thing the diet pills are still working.  Have to stop and answer all the usual questions about Smart-T.  Is it real?  Does it use gas?  Is it street legal?  Where’s the rest of it?

Chaddy and I are doing fine.  We’re each listening to our IPods so we’re not fighting over music yet.  I love my son but he cannot sing!  He gets that from me.  I have to turn up the stereo to tune him out.

SmartLog:  20090702/1929/mmmm/xx°/MO

 

We’ve made it to Missouri but Chaddy’s forgot to write down some the SmartLog details.  Everyone is still doing relatively ok.  Chad’s Ipod has run out of juice so we argue over every song on mine.  He doesn’t understand listening to the Bee Gees or 10,000 Maniacs.  Smart-T does not like going uphill but she excels at the down.  She also appreciates when I remember to put her into fifth gear. 

SmartLog:  20090702/2245/2894/65°/IL

We’re in Illinois.  I hate it when they don’t put a big sign of over the state line and say “Welcome to <state name here>”.  Not sure exactly what town we are in but have decided to call it a night.  The billboard says Drury in $69.99 with breakfast and free wi-fi so that’s where we turn in.  There were other options but kind of scared of staying at the $29.99 Day’s Inn or whatever it was.  When we check in the clerk tell us the room rate is $89.99 but she’ll give us the manager special of $69.99 for tonight.  Huh?  Whatever I’m too tired to argue.  We made sure and parked Smart-T upfront under a big light because I didn’t want her to get scared being all alone in a strange place.

All in all it has gone really well.  The last couple of hours were the best.  Chaddy has my soul.  Both Chad and I love driving a night listening to the music.  Being in the country it was really dark and little to no traffic so we can see the stars and it is a beautiful full moon.  The moon is so bright that I saw something blinking on the floor and I though his Ipod came back to life.  It was the just the moonlight filtering through the trees.   I could drive more but don’t want to take any unnecessary risks with Chad.  We talk about driving home all night on the way back. 

We did have one weird incident where we must have hit a swarm of mosquitoes or something.  We’re driving a long happy as can be one minute and the next we are getting attacked and bitten by a horde of insects.  We’re swatting at them like craze people.  How 18 million mosquitoes can get into a sealed and locked vehicle going 70 mph will always remain one of life’s mysteries to me. 

SmartLog:  20090703/0700/2894/72°/IL

Fuel Stop:  3    Mt. Vernon, IL, 7.6 gallons, $20.56

Going to make this an early start.  We pack up and stop a Denny’s for a quick bite to eat. Check on Smart-T and fill her up and we’re on the highway again.   We should only have about 4 more hours according to my internal compass.

SmartLog:  20090703/0922/3000/58°/IL

Smart-T logs 3000 miles!  {{honking the horn}}  Just inside IL at mile marker 200.  I’m so proud of her!

Teach Chad about mile markers and explain to him that while on a road trip if you pass a truck full of cattle that it is a law that you roll down all the windows and moo at them as loud as you can until pass, which I do and he just covers his head with his pillow.

SmartLog:  20090703/3254/1330/75°/IN

Fuel Stop:  4    Concord, IN, 7.7 gallons, $21.43

We’re almost there.  Just miles from Gram’s house but we need to fuel.  The last couple hours have been a pain the ass.  I’m cranky (more than usual).  Google send us to close to Chicago with everyone in the city trying to get out and construction all over place there is a 45 lane traffic jam.  Then stupid Google Maps have sent us through half of northern Indiana trying to avoid the toll roads.  We went through Gary and Hammond.  I probably saw Michael Jackson’s house but I was to busy swearing up a blue streak that I didn’t notice.  (sorry Tammy).   If I had known that was it was doing I would have just taken the toll roads and been here hours earlier. 

And what the hell is up with Indiana roads.  I finally get on a smoothly paved toll road and almost calm down because Smart-T is feeling better.  She really like the roads that are black (not sure what they are made of).  She skims them like water over glass.   However, some idiot decided to put speed bumps in the middle of the highway which mean about every quarter mile or so we take a hit.  By the time we get off on a local state road I have a headache and my teeth are rattling in my head.  Somebody tried to explain they are not speed bumps it’s the seams that rise up due to weather.  Is nobody smart enough to take that into consideration when deciding on the road building materials?  Smart-T didn’t like it and I didn’t either!

The only good thing was watching this punk kid which was doing 40 until I caught up with him then pass me at 100 mph get pulled over by the cop who would’ve got me and Smart-T if the dumb ass hadn’t passed us!

Smart-T is tired and covered with bugs.  She wants a shower (aka car wash) before she meets Grandma because she wants to make a good first impression but I’m simply too tired to accommodate her. 

SmartLog:  20090703/3259/1330/75°/IN

Destination achieved… to Grandmother’s house we are!  And except for the last couple of hours it was not a bad trip.  I

Vacation Diary

Had a great visit with my family.  Kerry, my cuz-in-law, (is that a term?  if not I made it up and you have to pay me royalties if you use it) made Deb and I a couple of bonfires so we could sit outside, freeze our butts off, get devoured by mosquitoes, gossip and drink our wine.   He even let me use his GPS and programmed it to his address so I could get back to his house in case I got lost.  He then promptly proceeded to ignore the GPS directions and forced me into a game of chicken with two Amish buggies.  Smart-T was not backing down to something with only 1 horse power!  No way!  We won that one.  And if the horse comes up lame and the buggy busted an axel that’s what they get for laughing.  Thanks, Kerry.

Chaddy and I made a trip up to see the Beth and Julie, the girls we met on the cruise.  I love my family be we don’t share ideologies.  It was nice to be among my fellow liberals if even for an evening.  They and their family were so lovely to us, we thought about just moving in.  There seemed plenty of room.  However, the fact that it was 60 degrees in July soon brought me to my senses. 

Chaddy, who listened to the complete Michael Jackson collection on the drive, was enthralled with the funeral coverage.  I asked him if he wanted to go grab a bite with me and he said only if we get back for the funeral. 

We got to spend some time with my Grandmother who is a beautiful 89 years old.  And if her health is not what it used to be, her wit and her intelligence is as sharp as ever.  I like to think what little I get I get it from her.  She enjoyed day tripping with Smart-T.  She wants one in red.  It’s interesting to listen to her stories.  It explains a lot about my family.  Of course, part of me was thinking was if that ship had gone down when our great-great-great (don’t know the precise number of greats) came over, it might have saved a whole lot of people a whole lot of grief.

But alas, all good things must come to and end so we had to say our goodbyes and head home.  For all my friends/family that live between Indiana and Texas – Sorry!  I had to get back to work.  It wasn’t anything personal. 

Contrary to our original plan Chaddy and I decided to get up early and head back to Texas. 

SmartLog:  20090708/0703/3596/56°/IN

Did you notice the temperature reading?  They didn’t tell me I needed to bring a freaking parka to Indiana in the middle of summer.  Did the Arctic Circle drop to include the northern U.S.?  Our kisses kissed and our goodbyes said we’re heading home.

There is no way I’m going back on that toll road or near Chicago.  I’m driving county and state roads until I get to Illinois.  It was a beautiful drive with the farms and fields and barns and morning dew.  It added some time to the overall trip but the peace of mind was better for both me and Smart-T.

My little party son who loves to stay up late and hang with the adults promptly fluffs his pillow and goes to sleep. 

SmartLog:  20090708/1120/3873/79°/IN

Fuel Stop:  1    Don’t remember, IN, 7.79 gallons, $20.80

May have cut this fuel stop a little close.  The gauge said I was down to .1 of a gallon and there’s not a gas station on every corner out in the heartland.  Chaddy wakes up and pumps gas for me.  This has become his job for the trip.  He also cleans the windshield and tries the get the bugs on Smart-T’s grill.  She doesn’t like them.

We off and running again and he goes right back to sleep.

SmartLog:  20090708/1319/4000/88°/IL

Another mileage milestone!  Smart-T made 4000 miles.  Honking the horn wakes up Chad.  He looks and me bleary eyed and says “What?”  Smart-T just hit 4000 miles aren’t you excited.  I get the exasperated “Mom!”  and he goes back to sleep.  That’s ok I like the drive and my Ipod still has plenty of juice.

SmartLog:  20090708/1545/4175/°/MO

Fuel Stop:  2  Oceola, MO, 7.9 gallons $21.65

Not much interesting has happening.  Chad pumps and goes back to sleep.

My legs and butt have been so sore that at one point I put my right leg over the console and drove with my left.  I prayed I wouldn’t need my lightening quick reflexes.  I’ve long since run out of Ipod juice and have resorted to scanning the radio.  We’ve been driving for what seems like days and I’m getting tired.  My hand hurts from waving and my cheeks hurt from smiling for all the pictures.    I missed a Smart-T log but last fuel stop was somewhere in Arkansas.

SmartLog:  20090708/2004/4451/°/TX

We’ve finally made it to Texas.  There’s no place like home.  We agree to stop for bite in Texarkana.   Chad has pretty much had enough of this road trip.  I don’t know why it was so hard for him since he’s slept for the past 11 hours.  I asked, “Didn’t you at least think it was a neat experience.”   He said, “ I’d rather fly.”   I said, “Didn’t you get anything good out of it.”  He said, “yea caught up on my sleep”.

SmartLog:  20090708/2011/4458/°/TX

Fuel Stop:  4   Texarkana, TX, 7.65 gallons $19.67

I need a break so gas and food.  We both are craving vegetables or Mexican food.  It seems all we’ve had is meat and potatoes the last week.  All we find is a Church’s chicken so we settle for that.  We don’t linger long.  We both tired but home is so close we can almost taste it.

SmartLog:  20090708/2200/mmmm/°/TX

We first see the lights of downtown and the distinctive reunion tower which prompts Chad to exclaim:  “I’ll never leave the city”.  We take 35N from I-30 and prepare to sprint to the finish.  Some schmuck driving a beat up white van is in the far left lane doing 45.  I’m cussing him and planned to flip him off as I pass, after I check and make sure he’s not carrying a gun.  Chad leans in and looks at him and sighs softly “aaaahhhhh Mexicans!”

SmartLog:  20090708/2315/mmmm/°/TX

We are home.  Smart-T is stored in her stable much tired but not too much worse for wear.  I tried to get Chad to caress her and tell her good girl but he just blatantly refused.  We take in only the necessities and head straight to bed.  “Night, mom”  “Night, Chad, see you in the morning”